Beat the Clock auction, TT and raffle

Ladies and gentlemen,

here's the short version of this Beat the Clock announcement:

The next Canada TT is on May 26th -- register now!
http://www.bikereg.com/events/register.asp?eventid=4281
And while you're at it, buy some raffle tickets at bikereg or in
person at the next TT -- you can win a Leader TT frame + fork as well
as so many other items that I lost track...

Our Ebay auction is live, and goes until May 20th.
http://www.scaledup.com/beattheclock/auction07.html
Bid on fabulous items such as a Zipp Disc, Dura-Ace pedals, Sidi
shoes, Oakley glasses, PowerBars, Lance Armstrong posters autographed
by the Man himself, clothing items autographed by champions Christine
Thorburn and Katheryn Curi, Magnus Backstedt, and Julien Absalon, a
CharBroil grill, sports massages, a bike fitting and a ton of other items.

Carola Berger
for the Beat the Clock team

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And now Beat the Clock proudly presents our new bike-advice column
with special guest "Frankie":

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Dear Frankie,
I'm thinking of bidding on the CharBroil grill cause I'm currently
stationed on the North Pole and it's kinda cold up here. How much
would the shipping be?
Frozen up North

Dear Iceman,
unfortunately, the grill is for local pickup only. But we have some
other hot stuff that we can ship. We've also got some cool shades by
Oakley when things heat up too much.
Frankie

Dear Frankie,
what is this Ebay thing and how can I buy the cool Disc with dimples?
This Disc would be perfect for serving salad on my patio because the
dimples match my golf-balls.
Too much Money in the Silicon Valley

Dear Snob,
normally I'd suggest to google Ebay, but chances are, if you've never
heard of Ebay, you've never heard of Google either. You must be left
over from the 18th century... In case you have too much money lying
around the house, donations to poor physics-postdocs, oops, I meant
the Lance Armstrong Foundation are always appreciated!
Frankie

Dear Frankie,
I want to participate in the Canada Time Trial, but I'm new to racing
and I'm a bit worried about field sprints like you see on TV. What do
I need to do to prepare?
Newbie in Redwood City

Dear Clueless,
it is highly unlikely that it comes down to a field sprint in a time
trial, where people start in 1-minute intervals. Nevertheless, I
suggest to get some training wheels so that you don't crash when you
are left in the Mach shock-wave of some champions as they approach the
speed of light.
Frankie

Dear Frankie,
I've heard a rumor that in honor of the currently ongoing Giro a time
trial World Champion will perform the starting ceremony at the Canada
TT in Italian. I don't speak Italian, I don't want to miss my start!
English only in San Jose

Ciao Bello,
non importa che tu non parli l'Italiano. La campionissima del mondo et
della collina delle gatti Karena Bremissima ti guidera con l'aiuto del
fortissimo Luigi. Pronto? Tre, due, uno, vai!
Frankie

Dear Frankie,
I heard that blood-doping is illegal and what with Operation Puerto I
don't dare to use some performance enhancing substances. But I
absolutely want to win the time trial. Any suggestions?
Too lazy to train in San Francisco

Dear Performance-Enhancer,
I've just done some self-research on this topic, and I suggest to get
various bionic implants which appear to be legally approved by the
WADA (or at least not currently banned). A steel-plated arm, for
example, can be very useful in wiping out the competition when they
come anywhere near you or try to pass you. If you lack fast-twitch
fibers you can get a knee ligament transplant from a deceased
sprinter, hoping that the fast-twitch DNA spreads to your thighs.
Frankie

Dear Frankie,
I see I have the option to dedicate my TT ride to a loved one. Can I
dedicate my race to my pet-chameleon Fluffy? Fluffy recently fell
gravely ill because he couldn't match the Greenness of my snazzy new
Go Green outfit.
Very sad in Mountain View

Dear Fluffy-Lover,
we were thinking more about loved persons who have been stricken by
cancer or another horrible disease. But in this case I think the
severity of the situation warrants an exception.
Frankie

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