I'm slowly learning how to ride mud...one National Championship at a time.

After last year's sort of disappointing Master's Nationals (wanted to win, got 6th) and not-so disappointing Elite race (wanted top 30, got 19th), I decided that I was steadily improving my ability to ride in - and my attitude about riding in - mud. The Nor-cal weather usually only allows us one or two chances to practice in the goop and this season barely did that, although I got a nice dose of it up in Portland for the Crank Brothers opener where I actually didn't fare too badly, though I conveniently finished just outside the UCI points.

Fast-forward to Friday, December 10th and I'm sitting in my window seat descending upon PDX and all I can see on the ground for miles is nice brown puddles. Great, looks like the ground is completely saturated. I prepared myself psychologically for the worst - good thing, because 3 hours later I was schlogging and tromping through ankle-deep Play Doh, Peanut Butter, Goo, and Slime (Grades 3-6 on the Carr Mud Index) on my pre-ride. I meant to do a couple of "hot laps" but I got plenty hot doing a couple of slow ones - I felt like I was wasting precious power just getting through it so I decided to retreat to my hotel room where I could stress out about the situation in a dry, warm atmosphere. Before my retreat I learned of Melodie Metzger's big win in the Collegiate race. Also, Sheila Moon was beaming from ear to ear from her top 5 in the Masters 40-44 race.

Saturday morning I arrive at the course and Mark Noble is tearing up the 40-44 field, and Alan (Coates) is looking a little perturbed that he's ONLY in 3rd and not winning another National Title (though I know Alan has a great deal of respect for Mark). Mark looked awesome and in complete control. I decide not to pre-ride the course in lieu of staying dry, and sit on my trainer while I cheer on Sarah Kerlin as she smoothly ran away with the 30-34 race, as well as my teammate Lauren Costantini as she churns her way to another top 5 in the Women's Masters 35-39 race. Being the avid mountain-biker that Lauren is, she loves the sloppy stuff and finishes well ahead of girls she had been chasing all season. As my race (Masters 35-39) approaches, I decide on my strategy - get off the line cleanly, stay out of trouble, and get off the damn bike before I get bogged down.

Starting position was good thanks to last year's result. Gun goes off and my start was excellent (thanks to all the Elite races I've been doing) - sucked 3rd or 4th wheel and then took the smooth outside line through the sweeping grass turn. I hit the run-up in 2nd and came over the top in first. I wasn't going over my limit yet and I was happy to be off cleanly and now I was able to choose my own lines. Then all the running started. I had a little trouble getting in once and flailed a little, and Richard Feldman (2003 30+ champ) came by. Another guy came by though I wasn't panicking yet. The hardest part of the course had to be the up and down section - and it was so mucky you had to run it. I swear at the bottom of the pit I felt my skinny little frail legs were going to break at the knees and I was going to fall on my face, and I nearly did a bunch of times. I teamed up, pretty much for the rest of the race, with a swell chap named John Flack who tried to work with me on the paved and hard-pack sections, which is usually where I race best but on this day every time I hit the pavement I was trying to recover instead of trying to go fast - this was bad and pretty much meant I was trying to preserve my position instead of improve on it. I spent the rest of the race trying to get through the running sections swiftly without falling on my face, which I managed to do though the crowd gave me a few whoo's a few times I was particularly clumsy and looked like I was going to lose it. The bikes were getting mucked up and heavy, and I took a fresh bike on every 1/2 lap (big thanks to former Cross Crusade coverboy and Sycip teammate Dennis McGovern for manning the pits, and Jeremy Sycip himself was catching for me!). Anyhow, on the last lap another guy came trotting by me as I was trying to get on my bike (unsuccessfully), I let a little yelp out and tried to summon something out of the beaten part of my psyche to dig one last time. I dug, too little, too late and I sat up on the finishing straight as 3rd and 4th sprinted it out. Oh well, I was happy it was over and that I at least finished on the podium, one better than last year. At this rate I'm right on track to win the 40-44 category in 2008...

As I get cleaned up I watch - in stark contrast to how I felt - Justin Robinson calmly and comfortably ride away with the 30-34 race like he was warming up or something. I asked him afterward if he was as comfortable as he looked. "Yeah, I was pretty comfortable" he said. I tried to hide my disdain for all things Robinson at that moment.

Saturday night I ate an entire pizza and then attended the 2005 Promoter's meeting, which was interesting and gave me hope that we (Nor-cal) may actually be a part of the Crank Brothers GP, provided Pilarcitos and Velo Bella can raise the extra $5K each to put on C1 events. BTW if you or anyone you know is interested in making such an event a reality - ideally a Watsonville/Golden Gate Park (how very cool would that be?) double weekend, contact me and I'll put you in contact with the right people.

After the promoter's meeting it was off to the screening of Pure Sweet Hell, Brian Vernor and Willie Bullion's CX movie - it was a wonderfully-shot film and totally revived my spirits on the eve of the Elite race, even though Brian included a nice close-up sequence of me tripping over a barrier on my face at CCCP 2002. One of the highlights of the film was the DFL coverage narrated by Brad Koester (aka Boozley) - oh my god it was so DFL, and sooo Brad. The only downside is that I left the movie feeling like I didn't do enough hill repeats...if you saw it you know what I mean...

Sunday's goal (the Elite race) was to have fun and hopefully not get lapped - I had dreams of again finishing top 20 but I knew this would be tough given that I felt like I ran a 10K in knee-deep mud the day before. Warmed up by the Sycip tent with Josh Snead, Matt Kraus, and BJM and we watched "who's that woman?" (nobody seemed to know who Katie Compton was) ride away with the Elite Women's race. The wind was ripping and at one point it knocked over the Start/Finish assembly - the whole mass of it came crashing down right before Lauren Costantini and another rider come through. That could have been REALLY bad. A mass of spectators help lift it for them to go under and then move the whole thing safely off the course. The steel fencing lining the Finishing stretch kept getting knocked over. In spite of the wind, it was turning into a beautiful Fall day of mixed clouds and sunshine. From 4 feet away I closed my eyes and imagined I was absorbing a little of Ben's awesome power and technical skill by osmosis, but apparently I got the lines crossed becuase my legs filled with lead and yes, it was probably this incident which triggered the beginnings of Ben's asthma attack - please don't tell Ben...

At the start I got called up along with the 70 or so other guys that had UCI points - thanks to the abundance of C1 and C2 races this year they weren't as hard to come by in 2004 - good thing, though, because I wouldn't have had ANY points if all we had were C3 races, then I would have been in the way back. My start was solid and I made good progress on the first part of lap 1 - well within the top 25. Not surprisingly, on Lap 2 my world started falling apart. Riders were riding past me in spots I had assumed were better to run, and my legs were feeling utterly useless every time I got off the bike. My pal Adam Myerson came by and now I was somewhere in the mid-30's - I knew this because people were keeping track and yelling "34!", "35!", etc. though it took a while to register that these were placings and not seconds behind the leaders. Things started looking up for me as I started following all of Adam's secret lines (the guy's got mud skills, and REALLY did a thorough pre-ride and memorized every rideable line) and I discovered that not only was the course 100% rideable (including the run-up), but my battered legs preferred it when I didn't get off even when it was hard. Anyhow, Adam seemed to be slowing a bit so "thank you very much" and off I went in pursuit of my friends in the low-30's to show off my newly-acquired knowledge. With 4 to go I think I actually cleaned the entire lap without putting a foot down. I made up a few places and got a lot of cheers riding the hard stuff, and steadily realized that more and more people were lining the part of the course I was riding - uh oh, JP is coming! Almost 2 to go on my favorite up/down stretch (NOT!) and I'm looking to make contact with Josh when I hear a holler from behind me - I dive off the course and watch JP and then Ryan Trebon clean the section at a good 5mph faster than I was doing it - incredible. I finish out the lap making sure there was noone else lapping me and I duck off the course - damn, first time I've been lapped in 3 years! Anyhow, it was fun and hard and almost everyone got lapped anyhow. Big thanks to my teammate and new best friend Scott Lynch for single-handedly manning the pits for me on what I'm sure was a crazy day.

After the race it was back to the hotel for a hurried packing session with my teammates in Scott's room - picture 5 people in one small hotel room frantically packing bikes and gear and tripping over it all and each other. Brett Hondorp whisks me off to the airport for the short flight home to my lovely wife and my beautiful brilliant son on the eve of his 2nd birthday.

My bikes are still in the box and covered with Portland mud...

-Funke